1 out of 5 stars — "Sleepless in Soakville: A Beachside Misadventure"Ah, the beach—the salty air, the crashing waves, the soothing sound of water dripping directly onto the master bed through a leaky ceiling on night one. Romantic, right? That is, if your idea of romance is moving the soaking sheets aside and relocating to separate couches like post-argument newlyweds.As a combat veteran with a back held together by grit and duct tape, sleeping on the couch wasn’t just uncomfortable—it was physically punishing. Nothing says “relaxing beach getaway” like reactivating an old spinal injury.But wait—there’s more! The local wildlife (cockroaches and ants, specifically) also checked in. Apparently, they had no problem finding the bathrooms, because that’s where the ants staged their takeover. As for the roaches, they didn’t even try to hide. Bold little guys.Between the leaky roof, bug brigade, and back-wrecking furniture, the only thing this place was good for was testing my marriage, my spine, and my will to stay civil in a review.Would I stay here again? Only if the roof gets fixed, the pest control gets serious, and someone invents a couch that doubles as a chiropractor.